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| I wanted to start a blog anonymously somewhere hidden so I could rant whenever I want but always never end up doing so because I'm worried it will somehow got leaked out one day. I'm very careful with secrets, I don't usually write it any where thus not having a diary to start with. But when I'm upset with something and ranting it with anyone will not help, I resort to writing. Since there might be no one reading this anymore, this might be a good solution, to spill nothing secretive just a plain rant.
Up till today, 25 years of living on earth, I still dont know who I am. I'm a very complicated person, someone who points at a direction today might head towards another the very next day. Mood swing is the devil who controls my mind and soul. I have tried controlling my emotions as much as I can but most of the time it got all over me. Best of all I had to endure the pain of causing major arguments that was due to small matter turned huge.
I had my reasons for being mad and upset. Most of all, I tend to flare when it's about someone I care most. All I want was someone to understand me thoroughly but most of the time they can't just because I'm too complicated.
I pay attention to detail. I care about petty things. Even with minor perks, it's still a problem to me.
If I care less, it's because Im starting to focus on something else.
And now this is going no where. Till then. | | |
| They say every road comes to an end, but sometimes the end feels just like the beginning even when you think you've come a long way. You can suddenly find yourself right back where you've started because every journey is fraud with twists and turns and one false step can spell a disaster. But no matter what, you still have to stay the course and forge your own path; because there is no going back now and it looks like this one is going to be the ride of your life. 
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| Wished that I continue blogging but I just couldn't find much time to sit down quietly and think of something to write. Facebook has been a better alternative with just shout-outs and nothing more. I find myself trying so hard to fully utilise my weekend, making most of the time catching up with the boyfriend and running some errands or I'd be out shopping and having tea with my girl friends. Thanks to my preseverance, I make sure I put a small portion of my salary to the Fixed Deposit so the sum couldn't be reached for at least two months. That's how I make sure I do a little bit of saving. Work's pretty much mundane, it's been nine months since I have started joining the work force after my one year break. I still miss those times occasionally but I've slowly adapted to the change. As for my job, learning new things occasionally gives a slight hype in it but yet I am still figuring out if that's what I really want to do. Moving forward, I wish to take a leap of faith and venture into something that makes my whole life worth it. 
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| New environment, changes in lifestyle is something I need to get used to right now, but all I need was people who understand but why no one does? Because I am not sharing it with anyone, if I do; with just minimal information. Talking about this, I need to mention that there are still people who care about me; it’s just that no one truly understands. When I have a lot of share but minimal space at facebook, I thought of just ranting all I want here but the thought of creating one blog post just because I’m feeling upset didn’t worth so much of that time. I hate it when I’ve got so much to say but so little time. My brain was near to exploding, so I clicked opened notepad and rant all I want here. The new lifestyle makes me feel like a robot working for a company, going to and fro and home for rest. This is not the way it should begin but life’s like that when you are back at the country where everything’s proper is the right thing. To be honest, while typing this; I am still talking to myself. I have been doing this for some time already. Anyway I should stop here; I am avoiding myself from thinking or talking about it. I just need a rest.
You; I’ve always thought you are different and I took my time explaining; but each time I expect you to think like I do, it will always be the other way round. I guess it’s all part of adapting; that I am entertaining myself by creating a monologue. `yUn | | |
| Tell me what’s worse than having plentiful of unluckiness in one month? Purse and phone got stolen and now my email got hacked. Tear up for five minutes and I moved on. Anyhow, I’ve learnt to accept the fact that it’s gone after experiencing a major one before this.
The reason why I chose to speak here again is about my spending spree. I’ve became a heavy shopaholic; worse when I chose to work on morning weekdays only. I was bored thus I went shopping to cure the boredom. After leaving the life of a student, I have higher expectations on the brands I chose to wear, all because of the earning power and a confident booster. Tell me what can I save for the future if I go on like this? But there is one thing I've always told myself that; any branded goods I chose to like should only be owned with my own expense. I’ve always reminding myself that I need to make myself happy before its too late (due to the reason of life’s fragility) thus having to spend on something I like each time. My dad always told me off saying, you like everything you see. You can’t be buying everything in this world. I admit that I want things to be as perfect as it can be, thus being called a perfectionist. By stressing up getting things perfect, it seems like ‘perfect’ is indeed for people who don’t want to be happy. Then this contradicts everything I said previously. Imagine how things revolve among each other. Nonetheless, I know my limits and it rings in my mind when I’m slowly going overboard. I admit I’m complicated but that’s how I want it to be. A simple girl is just not me. Someone who is up for adrenaline and challenges is me. Something to be proud off as an achievement is what I’m looking for. So what is a girl like me exactly? 
`yUn | | |
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